Coalition for Positive Sexuality

tofuchick · Joined: 27 Sep 2004 Posts: 172

[color=violet] Ok i feel like scum and need someone to talk to. Me and my friend met this totaly cool guy a while ago and i kinda had a thing for him until my friend said she did so i figured i would just forget it because number 1 she usualy gets the guys anyway and number 2 it wasnt worth the trouble of us both liking him. But today i just randomly called him to say hi and kinda get the scoop on if he was into my friend. I called him at 9 and i just got off the phone (its now 1:30 am) and i am really into him and.....we had phone sex. I feel like a horrible friend, but she has done shit to me sooo many times but i still know its not an excuse. I mean its not like they were dating or anything or that he even knew she liked him. We totaly connected and i really am into him but i just dont know what to do.[/color]
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Im so sain its driving me crazy

"No-one ever told me I was pretty when I was a little girl. All little girls should be told they are pretty, even if they aren't."-marilyn manroe

SabreOfSD · Joined: 01 Oct 2004 Posts: 4

Relax, it all works out for the best in the end. If he was in to you and you are obviously in to him, just go with the flow. If your friend is really your friend, she'll want you to be happy too. Just like you were willing to give him up for her because you are her friend, she should be willing to do the same. Maybe talk to her about him (I wouldn't mention the phone sex, but it's up to you) and tell her how you feel. She might get a little upset, but she'll come to her senses. I'm sure she'd be more upset if she found out from someone else...
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Julian

Greyfox · Joined: 27 Sep 2004 Posts: 56

Don't sweat it too much. It sounds like she hadn't taken initiative to start anything, so frankly, he was wide open for whoever took the initiative. Sounds like you took it. The question is, however, if this is something that will carry forward, or was this a one-shot kind of deal in his mind? Either way, as the other poster mentioned, I'd talk to your friend about the guy and let her know that you're kind of big on him too... maybe she'll understand the way you did for her.

-- tony

Syko · Joined: 03 Oct 2004 Posts: 204 Location: Greensboro, NC

[color=indigo]I wouldn't sweat it. So...you and your friend have a chrush on the same guy...why should you be the one that steps aside for her? You're being a great friend by even thinking about all of this. And hey, if he likes you, he likes you. There's nothing she can do about it if he's attracted to you and not her. You shouldn't feel bad though, it's not like they were actually going together! He's fair game. 8) [/color]
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Syko~Live your life to the fullest. There's plenty of time to be dead!~~I'm not insane. My definition of sanity is just different than everyone else's.~~A good friend lasts a lifetime. A ton of aquaintances only last until you need a good friend.~

Anonymous · Guest

Finally figured this thing out...

I think the other posters are right, it was a fair play. Obviously she liked him but wasn't doing anything about it, so why should you suffer?

Anonymous · Guest

No, it was not fair play. You knew your friend liked him. Whether or not she acted on it was beside the point. It was you who decided to not persue him because of her feelings...and then you changed your mind even though you knew your friend liked him. What you should have done was fess up in the begining and told your friend that you liked him too, then you both could have worked out what you were going to do about it, together. I think your friend would have every right to be pissed at you if/when she finds out. She knew that you knew and she trusted you. She will feel betrayed. The thing you have to think about though...are you going to lose a friend over this? If so, think and tread carefully. If she is pissed at you but you love her to death and want her friendship then persevere and she'll take yo uback eventually. Is he worth it? If not then don't sweat it, if so then be prepared for your friend to be a bit shitty...but stick with it and she should get over it. If she's not the type to get over it then you will have to decide if you want her or him....what's more important to you?

Anonymous · Guest

[quote="Chicane"]No, it was not fair play. You knew your friend liked him. Whether or not she acted on it was beside the point. [quote="Chicane"]

So, what you're saying is, that if I had a friend who liked just about every girl he met, that if I were to get into one of these girls and date one, I'd be wrong? I think that's silly. Her friend's inaction meant it was an open feild. Besides whether her friend is into the guiy or not is really beside the point. The guy obviously likes Blair. Why shouldn't she be happy?

Eternal Flame · Joined: 30 Sep 2004 Posts: 29

Perhaps you have gone through a similar circumstance before and have felt betrayed over it, but there is a difference between your life and that of others. They are free to do as they choose, and if a person has chosen not to act on their feelings, realistically (this may sound a bit callous), it may be as if they do not exist

So yes, because the friend chose not to act on her feelings, it was fair play
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"Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torments of man."

Anonymous · Guest

Yeah, I agree with both Redtail and Eternal Flame and no, this situation has not happened to me but I would always ask my friend first (and I have done that) There's nothing wrong with making a play for a guy you both like. I'm just saying that its the right thing to do by your friend is to clear it up with her first.

tofuchick · Joined: 27 Sep 2004 Posts: 172

Yea right when things are starting to get hot, "oh wait before we do this i have to call my friend to make sure its ok" yeah i dont think so. I understand what u are saying but its just not realistic. I have talked with her though about the fact that i have feelings for him and i talked to him about it too. I have gotten to know him more and more and i dont agree with alot of the things he does and so i think we will just be friends anyway. SHe is into him but he isnt into her so thats hard for her to deal with but i am gonna support her as much as i can. There is this other guy i am into anyway but he is out of town, so i guess when he gets back i will just see where that goes.
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Im so sain its driving me crazy

"No-one ever told me I was pretty when I was a little girl. All little girls should be told they are pretty, even if they aren't."-marilyn manroe

tofuchick · Joined: 27 Sep 2004 Posts: 172

Yea right when things are starting to get hot, "oh wait before we do this i have to call my friend to make sure its ok" yeah i dont think so. I understand what u are saying but its just not realistic. I have talked with her though about the fact that i have feelings for him and i talked to him about it too. I have gotten to know him more and more and i dont agree with alot of the things he does and so i think we will just be friends anyway. SHe is into him but he isnt into her so thats hard for her to deal with but i am gonna support her as much as i can. There is this other guy i am into anyway but he is out of town, so i guess when he gets back i will just see where that goes.
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Im so sain its driving me crazy

"No-one ever told me I was pretty when I was a little girl. All little girls should be told they are pretty, even if they aren't."-marilyn manroe

Cheesehead · Joined: 06 Oct 2004 Posts: 426

I would call your friend ASAP, and tell her what happened. If she's a good friend, she'll be happy for you, or at least step out of the way as you appear to have so many times for her. Also, tell the guy about what's going on, as he might be able to politely explain he's not interested.
if he suggests a threesome however, it might be a better idea to back off and let her have him. :roll:
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Guest · Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 8:45 pm Post subject:

Yea right when things are starting to get hot, "oh wait before we do this i have to call my friend to make sure its ok" yeah i dont think so. I understand what u are saying but its just not realistic. I have talked with her though about the fact that i have feelings for him and i talked to him about it too. I have gotten to know him more and more and i dont agree with alot of the things he does and so i think we will just be friends anyway. SHe is into him but he isnt into her so thats hard for her to deal with but i am gonna support her as much as i can. There is this other guy i am into anyway but he is out of town, so i guess when he gets back i will just see where that goes.

Anonymous · Guest

Hey Tofu Chick, I hope i didn't offend you. Its great that you spoke to both of them....do you still feel shitty?

repressedcatholicgirl · Joined: 13 Nov 2004 Posts: 18

i can't really say much about this one because i have sort of the same problem. i like this guy, and my best friend liked him also. she's the dramatic type, so i figured she'd be more upset than me if one of us were to do something about that. unfortunately for me, i KNEW the guy didn't like her like that and that he DID like me. (no, i did not imagine this. he told his brother, who told me.) there were other reasons too, like his brother being my ex , so i just figured it would be better for all concerned if i just forgot about it. but i couldn't, and now i like him more then ever, and my best friend doesn't like him anymore,so i'm free there, but in the meantime, he still likes me(i think) but he's kind of given up on me and so is going after another one of my friends.yeah. sorry i jumped my story into your thing. i just had to tell SOMEBODY since i can't tell any of my friends.